The PennyKarenina Principle
by myboygeorge
Summary: It's that time of the month for Penny and none of the guys have a clue what to do for her...or themselves when she starts snapping at their attempts to nurse her back to health. Lenny Romance, lots of laughs, I hope.
1. Night time surprise

_I do not own The Big Bang Theory and all scientific principles, calculations, etc. are fictional/made up_

Leonard was awoken from a rather rapturous dream that involved being presented a Nobel Prize for physics by Liv Tyler dressed as Arwen by a nasty thumping sound in the living room. He fumbled for his glasses, saw it was 4:11 in the morning. He let out a low groan.

"Sheldon, ten after four in the morning is not the time to be editing posotronic-isolation calculations, no matter how much they excite you," he mumbled as he stumbled into the living room, and stopped short when he saw it wasn't his neurotic roommate but his goddess of a neighbour, slumped sideways in his favourite chair. But somethign was off. She didn't have on her normal 'fancy-face' (as he secretly called it) that she would have worn out with her friends; in fact she was white as flour and shivering , knees drawn towards her chest. She also didn't have her normal scanty Hello-Kitty jammies; they were now replaced with with black sport shorts and a baggy black t-shirt.

Leonard wasn't quite sure what to do. If she was drunk, she wouldn't remember his gallant, hidden-secret-love actions and if he woke her up, he'd run the risk of facing her wrath like Sheldon had when he'd tried to'help' her organize her apartment. As he pondered what to do, he found himself rooted to the spot when Penny gave a rather loud snort and lifted her head off the armrest like she'd been electrocuted.

"No more nut soup!" she yelped as she came to, her eyes blinking rapidly as they focused on their surroundings. Her brow furrowed in confusion. "This isn't my apartment."

Leonard somehow found his voice and responded, "What was your first clue?"

"Leonard? What are you doing up?"

"I heard a noise in the living room and thought it might be Sheldon working on his board again."

"That guy needs a girlfriend, desperately." Penny swung her legs down and leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees. "Seriously how'd I get over here?"

"I don't know, but, um...you don't look so good." The truth was she looked like hell's leftovers that the dogs wouldn't even touch, and if Leonard could see that through his metaphorically-rosy glasses, then she must have been in seriously bad shape. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh yeah, yeah, I'm good." Penny grabbed ahold of her stomach with one hand, pressed the other one, gagging something fierce. "On second thought, no I'm not."

Leonard jumped out of the way in time just before she bowled him over in her rush to the bathroom. Now he was genuinely concerned as he heard the most vile sounds eminatinfg from behind the door. He cautiously edged towards the bathroom, wondering what he could possibly say that wouldn't make the situation any more awkward than it was, when there came a shrill voice from the second bedroom.

"That's it!"

Leonard buried his head in his hands as he waited for the beanpole frame of his roommate to cast a shadow in the hallway. Sure enough, Sheldon zoomed out of his room and made a beeline for the living room to his board, not noticing Leonard in the hallway. "I was thinking about the first distilled halogens when it occured to me that most of these elements need to be combined with others to make them less toxic and more potent at the same time. That way..." Sheldon trailed off. "You're not listening, Leonard, i'm on the verge of a polarized ionic laser breakthrough, and you've got that vapid 'Penny just hugged me' look on your face that tells me you're off in candyland thinking about her mammary glands pressing up against your pectorals."

"No, I'm not!" _Well not any more_ Leonard added silently, going to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of Pepsi. "No, I came out here and Penny was sprawled in my chair, and now she's in the bathroom being sick."

Sheldon went glassy at this notion. "Sick? In _our_ apartment? Oh no no no no no, that's not permissible, do you know how many pathogens are carried by air born and water carried pollutants?"

"Thankfully there's a little silver knob on the toilet to make them maigcally vanish!"

"Well I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask her to leave." Sheldon started towards the bathroom, then did an immediate pivot back towards the living room. "What day is it today?"

"The 24th?"

"Oh God, it's worse than I feared."

"What, she has the ebola virus?"

"No."

"Food poisoning?

"No."

"Oh my god, don't tell me it's the dreaded sniffles?"

"No it's..." Sheldon looked around furtively, whispering to Leonard like it was a dirty secret. "It's _that_ time of the month."


	2. Nerd Planet

Leonard looked at Sheldon expectantly. "That's it? You're freaking out because of a natural biological process women go through every month?"

"Oh no, no, no, it's not just that, it's a total physiological take over, wherein the hormone levels spike to nearly uncontrollable levels combined with tension in the lower abdomen comparable to the pressure exhibited in coiled steel on the sea bed. Apparantly this combination causes the rational processes of the brain to drop exponentially in function and the emotive side becomes the controller, leading to cataclysmic results for anyone who tries to point out said flaw to the woman in question."

"So, she'll turn into a bitch bcause she's got cramps?" No, this wasn't possible, Leonard thought, not his sweet darling Penny whose sole crime was in torturing his soul day in and day out with those hugs, pressing her body up against his, those soft little pecks on his cheek...yeah maybe she was capable of becoming the evil if she could tease him so badly on a good day. "So what do we do?"

"Stay the hell out of the cyclone's destruction path."

"How? She lives across the hall from us, and tomorrow is Mongolian-barbecue Monday, you know she loves it."

"Well then we'll slide some seasoned beef under her door with a note, and run for it. Of the four of us, I'm the least athletic and studies have proven the wildebeasts will attack the stragglers in the herd first. It's like living with your own version of _Animal Planet_."

Leonard shook his and and was about to tell his roommate he was being irrational (insofar as irrational as Sheldon could be) when Penny's voice, weak and thin, called to him.

"Leonard?"

"Coming Penny." Leonard shoved Sheldon aside and burst through the door to the bathroom. All thoughts of being a romantic hero to this girl went out the door when he saw her sitting on the floor opposite the toilet, chest heaving and face flushed, fat tear drops rolling down her cheeks. "Oh, Penny, are you okay?"

Penny slid her eyes to Leonard, temper boiling. "Do I look okay?"

"I...think you look like whatever you think you look like. Is there anything I can get you?"

"Some water?"

"Okay." Leonard grabbed his cup from the side of the sink and filled it; she drained it immediately. "Anything else?"

"Could I sleep in your bed?"

Of all things she could have asked him, this ranked somewhere between asking him to review her postulate on ionic compressions at sea-level and sharing the shower with him. "What?"

Sheldon, having heard this was just as shocked. "What?" he added.

"My back is really sore and my bed just isn't doing the trick, and I don't think I can sleep in your chair the whole night."

"Sure," Leonard responded numbly, pulling Penny to her feet when she held out a hand. "Do you need to get anything from your apartment? Sheldon can go and get it for you."

"Yeah, can you grab my dark pink pillow and yellow blanket? They make me feel better when I'm PMS'ing."

"Oh I don't think that's a good idea," Sheldon interjected. "Psychoanalysts and sleep therapists suggest using anything from the warm colour spectrum is counterproductive in trying to induce calm, continuous sleeping patterns. You'd be much better off with Leonards white and blue linens.

Penny narrowed her eyes severely, makign Sheldon's pop wider. "Sheldon, do you feel like you have gremlins chewing on your ovaries like turkey-jerky?"

"No?"

"Then get me my pink pillow and yellow blanket!" she screamed. She marched past the two men and slammed the door to Leonard's room, leaving Leonard to gloat over Sheldon.

"Tonight, on _The Discovery Channel_," he intoned like a documentary narrator. At this, he let out his snickering as the indignant Sheldon marched across the hall to retrieve Penny's requested pillow and blanket. Leonard turned his attention back to the matter at hand. He knocked lightly on the door, opened it to check on Penny. He saw her curled into a ball on top of the comforter and would have assumed she was asleep had it not been for the gasping sob her heard coming from her.

"Penny? What is it?"

"It just hurts, Leonard, I know it happens to every woman, every month, but it still hurts," she wailed.

"Boy, Sheldon wasn't kidding," he muttered, walking around the bed. He sat on the edge of the bed in full awareness it was like walking in a minefield, but he didn't care; it was quite obvious despit Sheldon's paranoia, Penny was sick and needed a friend. "Listen, Penny, whatever you need tomorrow, don't hesitate to call me at the university okay? Even if you just need to allow your tear ducts to test their functions."

"You mean cry?"

Yeah, that one. I'll leave my contact card on the table. Try to get some rest."

"Okay. Night Leonard."

"Night, Penny."


	3. Breakfast at Sheldon's

Leonard found himself struggling to stay awake as he showered and prepared himself for the day on Monday morning. Like every other red-blooded American, he despised the beginning of the work week but today was particularly painful, since it meant leaving Penny home sick. He smiled a little as he toweled off, thinking that this was what it could be like if they really were together, him taking care of her when she was sick, her realizing that he wasn't as big of a boxed-in geek as Sheldon or others would have her believe. He belted his robe, opened the door to the wonderful smell of fresh brewed coffee and bacon and eggs. Following his nose, he toddled out to the kitchen and stopped when he saw Penny at the stove, sunny and cheerful as ever, manning the stove.

"Morning Leonard!"

"Morning," he replied, wary of this about-face she'd done in three hours of sleep. "What's all this?"

"I wanted to thank you for being so nice to me last night when I was upheaving. Most guys would just tap the girl on the shoulder and tell them to keep it down."

"That's good, so you're better now?"

"Very much, I mean, still a little wobbly feeling but overall, yeah much better. Breakfast?" Penny slid the bacon and eggs onto the plate, passed him the sugar dish. "I'm still going to take the day off of work though, in case I'm still nauseous. Morning Sheldon!"

Leonard looked over his shoulder to see Sheledon looking at them curiously, hovering at the doorway. "Sheldon, don't be such a baby."

"I'm sure the character played by Vincent Price in _The Fly_ had your ignorant confidence too," he retorted, "but it does smell delicious out here."

"Penny made bacon and eggs."

"I don't understand why western society has deemed it appropriate to encourage the preparation and consumption of high-cholesterol proteins within an hour of waking up, especially when the person suggesting it is trying to express gratitude," Sheldon began, then switched gears when he saw the stern look on Leonard's face, "but nothing helps you get through Monday like a pair of over-easy!"

Leonard breathed a sigh of relief as Sheldon sat down beside him and accepted the plate of food. His relief was shorted lived, however, when he heard a sigh from Sheldon. Adding to his dismay, Penny immediately whipped around and began to panic. "What, what's wrong, do you not want eggs?"

"No, no, eggs are fine, but I don't think these would be classified as over-easy."

"Really, and what would be classified as over-easy?"

Leonard took his plate and retreated to the safety of the living room, knowing that whatever came out of Sheldon's mouth would only turn into ammunition for Penny. As if it couldn't get any worse, at that moment, Wolowitz and Raj showed up for their morning carpool.

"Dude, why are you still in your bathrobe? We have exactly four point two minutes to be in the car so that we won't miss sexy-voice weather girl's reports," Wolowitz exclaimed.

"It can wait, Howard."

"What?! What could possibly be a better way to start the week than with Sunny McSultry-Voice?"

Leonard simply pointed towards the tableau in the kitchen, which appeared to have intensified. Sheldon's head was doing the nodding thing which indicated he thought he was speaking to an inferior being on a subject which he was of vastly superior knowledge - which was most of the time.

"Oh, she can wait, this looks like a battle of Middle-Earth proportions." Howard and Raj immediately parked themselves on the couch, helping themselves to Leonard's coffee and breakfast.

"Well, Sheldon? What do you think makes good eggs over-easy?" Penny stood with her hands on her hips.

"Acutally, you should say, 'what do you think makes eggs over-easy a good dish?' It rolls off the tongue much nicer."

Penny's nostrils flared, making Raj whisper to Howard, who in turn told Leonard, "Raj and I agree, we should notify NASA and let them know Sheldon would like his ashes sent up with the next shuttle launch."

"Shhh, I'm trying to listen to Sheldon's ass-kicking."

Penny folded her arms across her chest, cocking one hip. "Well, Sheldon?"

"These yolks have the consistency of a low-viscosity plasma suggesting they've been cooked at a temperature of approximately eighty degree Celsius for approximately nine minutes, when in fact they should be cooked at seventy-four degrees Celsius, in order to obtain the desired level of runniness one desire's in an over-easy egg. Otherwise, the chef would end up with, and forgive the use of such a cliched pun, egg on their face."

From the couch, Leonard, Howard and Raj all let out short gasps. This was it; they were goign to witness the destruction of Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D. by a five-foot-four blond.

Sure enough, Penny smiled a vicious smile and picked up the eggs from Sheldon's plate, cradling them like kittens in her hands. "No, Sheldon, I think it's _you_ who has egg on their face." With that, she slapped her palms - and thus effectively the eggs - against Sheldon's cheeks, rubbing them into the skin so she would be sure to leave yellow marks from her so-called hard yolks. With that she turned and stalked out of the kitchen, tossing over her shoulder, "Ketchup is in the fridge."


	4. Patience and Patients

Leonard yawned a little as he unlocked his car. It had been a long day, as most Mondays were, but this one was particularly long, as he found himself mentally trying to hurry the hours along so he could go home and see Penny. He knew it was a little sick of him, but he was kind of sad that he hadn't heard from her all day. It made him fatansize a little of what it could be like if they were actually a couple, her wanting to see him because it made her feel better, him taking care of her because it made both of them feel better. Still, there was the possiblity that she had rebounded in record time and had gone back to work for the afternoon shift.

Then there was the possibility that she would coem home late, stop in for a quick 'hello' and 'thank you for being so nice to me', and they could split some pad-gra-prow from their favourite Thai restaurant, maybe even watch a movie together - her choice since she was sick.

That hope was immediately crushed like a bug when Howard and Sheldon hopped into the back seat and slammed the doors with a resounding _crack_.

"Hey, guys, what's up? Where's Raj?"

"Conference call with the NASA underlings in Houston, but we have more important things to discuss. You've got to do something about Penny," Howard said in a desperate sounding voice. "She's becoming less of an Aphrodite today and more of a Medusa. And you know if I'm the one saying it, things cannot be good at all."

"Why, what'd she do?"

Sheldon snorted. "Well, after she gave me my fried-egg facial this morning - which by the way made me feel very abused, thank you for asking - Howard made the unfathomable attempt at consoling her while on his lunchbreak, and quite frankly, from what I understand women's hormones to be like during their cycles, her actions were a gesture of benevolence on her part."

"Again, what did she do?"

"I tried to give her a back massage and she gave me a swift kick in the junk." Howard shifted uncomfortably in the back seat. "I was curled up like a boiled shrimp for fifteen minutes on your living room floor. But to be fair I suppose I had it coming."

"Had it coming?" Sheldon repeated. "I believe her exact words were, touch me again and I'll make you bleed like a stuck pig."

Knowing this could get out of hand, Leonard stepped in. "Let me get this straight. After witnessing Sheldon's near destruction this morning, you still tried to hit on her, an effort which is rebuked with considerable graciousness on a good day? What were you thinking?"

"Well now I'm thinking we should all chip in and send her somewhere nice for the next few days, you know, turn her into someone else's problem."

Leonard shook his head as he eased onto their apartment building's street. "That's not fair, Penny is more than kind when she puts up with our uber-nerd...ish leanings. Now because she's having a couple ofbad days you wanty to send her packing?"

"Easy for you to say, you don't have bruises on your testicles."

Leonard pulled a face, parked his car. "I just think we need to give her a little breathing room, you know, women get very touchy about their personal space when they're on their mesntrual cycles. I don't imagine it's an easy process to go through."

"Once again, the dim idea bulbs flashing above your head require my expert hand to tighten them into forty-watt glow. The only physiological process a man can experience that even comes close to the excruciating discomfort females experience throughout the process is the passing of kidney stones."

As this statement dissolved into debate between Sheldon and Howard, Leonard let himself into their apartment and immediately went to panic. Penny's shoes were still by the door, which meant she was still there and hadn't called him all day. He immediately went to his room where he saw her curled into a ball on his bed, balled up tissues forming some kind of protective wall around her. Testing his own courage and her temper, he sat down and out a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, you okay?"

Penny sniffled grandly. "No, after I nearly had to kill Howard, I spent the afternoon throwing up. God I hate being a girl."

"But you're so much more considerate and compassionate than we are, and you smell better too."

"Not right now I don't. I want a shower so badly but I can barely stand up."

Before his brain had to to register the words coming out of his mouth, Leonard blurted out, "why don't I run you a bath?"

"What?"

"Why don't I run you a bath? I mean, I don't have any fancy soaps, but I do know that when heat is applied to highly-tense surfaces, it makes said surface more malleable."

"Okay." Penny smiled, as she knew this was Leonard sweet, off-kilter science-y way of telling her the hot water would help alleviate her cramps. "Could I borrow a towel?"


	5. Through the Shower Curtain

"How's the water?"

"Fine."

"Is there enough soap there for you?"

"Yeah, there's plenty."

"What about-"

"Leonard, I'm fine."

Leonard smiled nervously to himself on the 'safe' side of the bathroom door. He wasn't worried about looking like a stalking lunatic in front of his friends; they'd already gone to a late night showing of the original 'Hobbit' movie, effectively leaving him alone with Penny. He'd gone to get changed into shorts and a t-shirt, and to find her a towel, ultimately ending up stuck in the hallway when she'd shut the door to get undressed and into the bath. It was so wrong, but he couldn't help getting a little hot under the collar thinking about Penny all soft and warm and naked in his bathtub, especially now that he knew what a kind soul she was and not just thinking of her as Hottie McNew-Neighbour.

"Leonard, can you bring me in that towel?"

His blood pressure spiked again, when he heard her voice through the door. "What?"

"I want that towel Leonard." Penny bent her knees towards her chest, ready to weep at the sweet relief of the lobster-ready temperature of the water. Surprisingly - or maybe not so, given Sheldon obsessive-compulsive disorder about germs - the tub was sparkling clean, and she'd laughed a little at the Star Wars shampoo. They were probably Leonard's, since she knew him to be a rabid fan of the George Lucas space opera, but wasn't about to judge him on it, since she still had fruit-punch scented Care-Bear Bubbles on the side of her tub and Hello Kitty hand-towels on the drying bar. Resting her elbows on the sides of the tub, she turned her head and smield as the door creaked open. She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing: Leonard had entered the bathroom, alright, with one palm glued to his eyes, the other blindly holding out the towel in a vain hope of dropping it near her. "Leonard, it's okay, I pulled the shower curtain across so all you're seeing is my face."

Leonard spread two fingers, saw she was right, and breathed a small sigh of relief when sure enough, he saw the poly-vinyl plastic shower curtain proudly displaying the periodic table, and Penny's face popping out near the noble gases. He smiled gently at her and hung the towel on the hook near the tub, then stuffed his hands into his pockets nervously. "Well...there you are...I guess I'll just go back to the living room and work on my paper..." _Or stick my head in the freezer to try and ice off my hormones_, he added silently.

"Acutally, I wouldn't mind the company while I boil away here."

Once again, Leonard found his blood pressure climbing north. Suddenly, the sweet steamy feel of the room began to feel like a chamber slowly filling with noxious vapours. Yet he couldn't bring himself to leave; giving in, he sat down on the , folding his hands nervously. "I don't really know what to say, I mean, I haven't had a conversation with a woman in the bath in...ever."

"Well, why don't you tell me about your day."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I mean, I may not understand it but I know it's important to you."

"Okay, well I did get a lot done on this new paper I'm working on, on light and sound waves working in tandem to generate energy."

"I see," Penny nodded in a way that both of them knew she didn't have a clue what he was talking about, but nonetheless kept him going. "Are you going to present it like you did when you fought with Sheldon?"

"No, this one is for publication, that is, provided I can prove my thesis coherently in a wide variety of practical applications outside of a lab."

"Oh that'd be nice."

There was a lull then, as both Penny and Leonard avoided each other's gaze as they tried to come up with another topic for conversation. Finally Leonard asked, "So what did you do all day, since you didn't make it into work."

"Well, aside from havign to discourage Howard by putting my foot in his crotch, I started to watch _Batman Returns_ but I fell asleep before it got any good."

The mention of Batman had Leonard perking up a little. "You like Batman?"

"Of course I do. The one with Jack Nicholson as the Joker was the first movie I saw in the theatres, and I was hooked."

"Well, why don't we watch it when you're finished soaking in the tub? Maybe we could have something to eat too."

"Oh soup would be nice. Chicken with lots of crackers and pepper." Penny paused a little, cast her eyes downward. "Leonard, thanks too, for being, well...not such a guy about this."

"How do you mean?"

"I mean most guys would just pat the girl on the head, pump her full of Midol and chocolate, and get the hell away from her for three or four days. But you...you've been just such a sweetheart."

Leonard blushed so deep a red he nearly turned purple. "I do what I can," he managed. "I'll go fix you up some soup and get the movie ready."

Penny smiled as he left her to finish her bath in peace. He really was a sweet guy, and not nearly as much of a geek as she initially thought him to be; certainly he was the most real-world adjusted of her Fab-Four nerds. And okay, he did have a really cute butt...and very soft lips, as it turned out; she discovered this from their kiss at Hallowe'en. She hadn't been so plastered she'd forgotten that one, nor the one when she was nearly sober after his birthday party. There was just something about him that made her feel so safe and secure, despite his physically small stature - he wasn't that much bigger than her - and, well...loved.

"Oh no," she muttered, "come on!" as she sank under the water, her scream turning into bubbles.


	6. Food & Thoughts

Leonard was shaking as he stirred Penny's soup on the stove but it was nervous energy, it was anticipation. How was he to have known that the little fantasy he'd concocted working in his lab that afternoon? Not him certainly. He'd gone across to her apartment to get her clothes and give her some privacy, then busied himself in the kitchen as he tried not to think of her toweling of in the bath. It was enough t omake any normal red-blooded man man have a meltdown; for Leonard it was the potential catalyst for a massive coronary episode.

Thankfully for him and his cardiovascular system, Penny sauntered into the kitchen, fully clothed and drying her hair with her towel.

"Smells good out here."

"It's my mom's secret recipe. Open the can, pour it in the pot and stir like hell until it bubbles."

A giggle bubbled up in Penny's throat. "Do we get to have popcorn with our soup to watch the movie?"

Leonard smiled, passed her a bowl of steaming chicken noodle. "Sure, but no butter for you. Dairy is the last thing you want to have when you've been nauseous."

"Right, because the digestive acids have to work overtime to break down the lactose proteins, making you feel more nauseous rather than settled. That's why crackers are prescribed for morning sickness, because carbohydrates absorb the fluids better." When Leonard simply stared at her, Penny shrugged as she settled herself on the couch. "I worked as a dietary aid at Omaha General Hospital in high school. I listened to the nurses around me and took notes."

"So how come you didn't go to college to be an RN or something?"

"I did. I got into like four different schools but I couldn't afford it. My folks didn't make enough money to pay for it all, and I had too much money to qualify for financial assistance. So I decided to come out here, see if I could hack it in films and took a waitressing job to fill the void. Classic story, and we all know how that one turned out." Feeling down now, Penny spooned up the soup Leonard had made for her. " A far cry from being a nuclear physicist, huh?"

"Actually I'm a particle theory physicist, but that's not...Why don't you go back now? I'm sure you've got a little money saved."

"Yeah, but what would I take?"

Leonard pondered this, a plan already formulating in his head. "Why don't we start the film?"

They ate their soup in near silence, enthralled by the story of the bat, the cat and the penguin. Occasionally Leonard noticed Penny scooting closer and closer to him on the couch, until she'd stretched full out and pillowed her cheek on his knee, giving off little tidbits of information about the film's production. By the time it was done, Leonard had come to the conclusion of what he wanted to do for his...whatever one might call Penny to him, and was about to stand up when he saw that Penny was fast asleep. Patting her shoulder and receiving no response Leonard let his hand rest on her arm and did what any self-respecting geek would do: watched the film again with the director's commentary. For a moment he closed his eyes and let the sensations around him - the still, warm air in the apartment, the smell of the dinner he'd shared with Penny, the feel of her skin on his hand - flood his senses. His tranquil ecstasy was short lived, when Sheldon and Howard came bursting through the door.


	7. Heavy on the 'Awwww' Factor

"Move aside, Hofstadter, there's games a-foot." Wolowitz all but sideswiped Leonard out of his space on the couch, making Leonard tighten his hand around Penny's shoulder.

"Howard, knock it off, Penny's sleeping."

"Then wake her up and move her," Sheldon snipped, setting up the video game system. "A group of Japanese exchange students from the movies challenged us to a Halo battle and we need to get a head start on them. They must know what it is like to suffer great humiliation and taste annihilation at the hand of Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D."

"Seriously, shut up, both of you, Penny is still asleep."

At Leonard's hissed voice, Penny snorted herself awake and looked around the room, bleary eyed and cranky. "Why must you be so loud? I'm goign back to my own place," she whined, not waiting for an answer.

Leonard, in no mood to deal with his friends, followed her, and stopped short when he saw that she had gone into her bedroom. He'd been in her apartment plenty of times but he'd never been so bold as to venture into the lady's boudoir. He stuck his head in the doorway and inhaled deeply - it smelled of strawberries and vanilla - and waited for her to tell him to get the hell out.

Instead she raised her eyes to him, gave him a weak smile and patted the space on the bed beside her. "Come on in, have a seat."

"O...kay."

"Leonard, it's fine I'm inviting you in, it's not like you and Sheldon broke in to clean again, although it did help me out a lot. But if you tell him that, I'll give you the same treatment I gave to Wolowitz at lunch today."

"No problem there." Leonard crossed his legs at the rememberance of how uncomfortable Howard had looked. He turned serious, then, asking Penny a question that had been burning on his brain since she'd slept in his room the night before. "Penny, how come you're so nice to me? I'm just as big a geek as those other guys."

Penny considered hsi quesiton, knowing it had been an unusual day in their relationship, such as it was. Given her revelation in the bathtub, there was an answer she could give him that would have been very easy for her to give him, but that would also result in more confusion. Instead, she answered honestly from the heart. "I think it's because you're the only one of the guys who doesn't make me feel like a total idiot."

"Penny-"

"No, let me finish. All of you are these brilliant scientists with a whole alphabet of degree letters after your names and I'm a waitress. Sometimes I wish I could understand what it is you guys do, and when I don't, sometimes it makes me feel, I don't know, stupid. But when it's just you and me, I feel less insecure about the fact I didn't go to college or have a degree in a frame."

A little shell-shocked and numb, Leonard could only nod. "Well, you're welcome I guess. And anytime you want to know about something I'm working on or talkign about, all you have to do is ask."

"Deal." Normally, Penny would have let it go at that, but since he'd brought it up, and they were walking down this path laden with emotional landmines, she stared at her bedspread and said, "How come you're so nice to me?"

Without hesitating at all, Leonard immediately responded, "For the exact same reason you're nice to me. I'm twenty-eight years old, I'm five-foot-seven and was in a Ph.D. program before I could legally buy alcohol. I'm surrounded by a world of academia and the people involved in it have virtually no social skills to speak of. Being friends with you, I feel something I've always wanted to feel."

"And what's that?"

"Average. Just feeling like a regular average guy who went to university, has a job, has friends and one friend of the opposite sex he's close with, like you."

Penny propped herself up on her elbow and tugged on his shirt front until their mouths were a whisper apart. "You are not average, Leonard. You are super-humanly sweet and that most definitely not average." Before he could protest, she lightly pressed her lips to his, savouring the taste of him - popcorn salt and chicken soup. When they came up for air a few seconds later, Penny smiled softly. "Want to stay here for the night? Nothing funny, you get the couch, I get my bed."

Leonard could only nod as Penny got up from her bed, and gave him an extra pillow and blanket.

"Good night Leonard."

"Good night, Penny."

As Leonard settled himself on the couch, he was glad Penny couldn't see the dumbass grin pasted on his face. It was, indeed, a good night.


	8. The Penny Karenina Principle

_Thanks to all who have been reading and reviewing and enjoying this story, it has been so much fun to write! Sadly, this is the last chapter for this particular fanfic, but not to worry, there is already another humourous story involving Sheldon, a yoga instructor and ensuing hilarity on the boil! I'd also like to take this opportunity to explain the title I chose for this particular fanfic: the Anna Karenina Principle is a theory popularized by UCLA professor Jared Diamond which states that 'an endeavor in which a deficiency in any one of a number of factors dooms it to failure.' Thus the guys' inability to understand women proves to be the deficient factors in why they can't take care of Penny effectively, with the exception of Leonard, whose deficiency is (obviously) confidence and his ability to take risks with Penny. So for the last time...R&R&Enjoy._

Two days later, the memory of having gotten a bizarrely blissful sleep on Penny's cramped couch - Leonard thought it was the fact he'd inhaled the smell of her whilst unconscious the entire night - he returned home with a bounce in his step and a catalogue clutched tightly in his hand. He'd been thinking about this particular gesture for awhile now; Leonard had noticed that despite her brushing off Sheldon's snide remarks as his personality, Leonard could also see sometimes she was a little hurt and insulted that he thought so little of her intellect. Hopefully, he would be able to help her with that, and then she would maybe give him one of those tantalizing kisses that felt like the brush of butterfly wings.

_You have issues_, he mentally berated himself as he knocked on Penny's door. It opened swiftly, and Leonard saw Penny in her work clothes, a smile on her face.

"Hey Leonard."

"Hi Penny. Are you coming in or going out to work?"

"Just got in, it was a long day. I finally feel up to snuff to go back in and these prissy little size zeros coem in saying how they're on a diet and watching what they eat, and then they order the junkiest things on the menu and...that's not something you'd want to hear about after taking care of me for the last few days," she finished off lamely, shaking her hair out of its pins.

Leonard shrugged non-commitally and shuffled further into the apartment, gearing up the nerve to say what he had to say. "So listen, remember how we had that talk last night about you going to college," he started, but was interrupted by the phone ringing.

"Oh, hold that thought sweetie." Penny hopped up from her chair at the kitchen island to answer it. "Hello? Hey, you...oh yeah, my neighbour just stopped by for a visit...oh stop it, you're so bad...I know I can't wait either...okay I'll see you tonight."

Leonard felt like he'd been punched in the stomach; it was obvious she was speaking to a man she was planning on having sexual relations with and that obviously wasn't him. He was, painfully, still the neighbour-boy, who time and again served up his heart to her in the only way he knew how and had it sent back to him slightly more bruised and squashed than when it was sent out. He set the cataolgue he'd been nervously twisting in his hands on the table and was about to leave when he hear Penny's voice behind him.

"Leonard, you forgot your magazine."

He tapped his fingers nervously on the doorframe before turning around. "Actually that was something I picked up for you."

"Oh that's nice, you didn't have to..." Penny trailed off as she picked it up and saw the cover. "West Valley College? What's this about?"

"I made a couple of calls today, found out about this place near Pasedena City College. It's a small liberal arts school, and they've got an excellent reputation in social sciences like history and cultural studies and media information. They're affliated with UCLA, so if you wanted, you could go to UCLA to take courses there too, and you'd have a degree, not just a diploma. And the best part is that they offer courses at night and online too, so you could still work and go to class."

Moved to the core, Penny thumbed through the book to a page that had been marked with a Post-It note. "History three-eighty-three: history of american popular culture. Learn about the development of American music, film, television and other novelties from the end of the Victorian era to the end of the Cold War," she read, keeping her voice low.

"Well, when you were asking Sheldon and I all those questions about music and TV and stuff, you seemed like you knew what you were talking about. I thought it might be an easy way for you to get back in the school groove if it was a course you had a personal interest in. Of course you'd have to take a pre-requisite or two, but i'm sure you could figure out a way to make it work. They also have great scholarship money at the school, it's acutally got the highest ratio of students to funds in the state, and...Penny are you crying?"

"No," Penny warbled in a voice that was obviously thick with tears. "I'm just trying to understand why you would do something like this for me."

"Because you're my friend and I know you're smart, and I think you'd love nothing more than to make Sheldon's head explode by rhyming off facts that he has no background in."

Penny laughed, looked at the clock. Her date was coming to pick her up in a little over an hour, and for the first time in a long time, she didn't want to rush off to meet him; she just wanted to stay there in her living room with Leonard, and pick some courses that would fit her schedule and her budget. "I'll tell you what. I have to get ready for my date but tomorrow, come by my restaurant for lunch and we'll read it over, see if we can come up with a part time schedule for me."

Dejected, Leonard nodded. "Okay. Yeah I've got plans to have dinner with the guys...so I better go too." He went to get up, but Penny put a hand on his arm, effectively pulling him back to the couch.

"I meant what I said, Leonard. You really are super-humanly sweet." Placing her hands on his cheeks, she kissed him lightly, a little shiver rippling over the back of her neck. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay. Bye Penny."

"Bye Leonard."

_Fin._


End file.
